Figments
by lilaya
Summary: What happens when Gemma and some of her old friends meet? What happens when she's in college? What happens when some new ones are thrown into the mix? Are all the things that are happening just figments of her imagination? Read and find out!
1. Act I: Scene I

_I hope you like it. It all just came into my head so I had o write it down! This is in modern times, more or less, and everyone has been out of high school for a year or so (good ol' Spence Academy for young men and ladies). What happens when they meet up again and some new characters are thrown into the mix? Lets find out…_

**GEMMA enters her room, expecting to find Simon there. Even though he is her fiancé, he insists on sneaking around. **

GEMMA: Hey, Simon! You know, you really don't have to sneak through my bedroom window anymore. We're engaged, in case you haven't noticed. _(She rolled her eyes at him)_

SIMON: I know, but your grandmother creeps me out! She's always staring at me, like I have antennae growing out of my head!

GEMMA: She likes you, though! She really likes you! Maybe she's afraid you'll disappear! Like poof! _(She waves her hands in his face)_

SIMON: Wait! I hear her coming! I have to hide!

_SIMON scrambles around her room, searching for a hiding place. Finally, he decides on the closet, sending GEMMA into a fit of giggles._

GEMMA: Really, Simon! This is ridiculous! She was just going to the bathroom! She's probably…what the?

_A head starts to appear over GEMMA's windowsill, which she quickly recognizes as KARTIK. When he finally gets over the windowsill, she walks over hits him on the back of his head._

GEMMA: What is wrong with you! You nearly gave me a heart attack! And I haven't seen you for more than a year! You're lucky I didn't push you out of the window! Two stories would not be a nice fall for you! You better talk fast because it is _not_ too late for me to push you! _(she grins)_

KARTIK: Please, Gemma, I just came back to tell you that I still love you.

_SIMON is looking on the situation and is furious. GEMMA is trying to convince herself that she's not there and this isn't happening. When she looks up again, she finds that she is still, in fact, there. She is on the verge of tears._

GEMMA: But I'm getting married!

KARTIK: (_looks indignant) _To who!

_SIMON steps out of the shadows, smirking._

SIMON: To me.

KARTIK: _(snorts) _To you, Middleton? Gemma has better taste than that! Don't you Gemma?

_GEMMA is looking around, silently pleading with the Earth to just swallow her whole._

GEMMA: Well…um…

SIMON: _(looks smug)_She said that she _loves _me.

_GEMMA smacks his arm._

GEMMA: Simon!

KARTIK: Yeah, well…I've touched her-

_GEMMA smacks his arm before he can complete his statement._

GEMMA: Kartik!

KARTIK: I was only telling him of our past endeavors, dear.

GEMMA: Don't call me that!

KARTIK: But you are a dear! And you're my sweetie pie and my sugar cakes and- 

GEMMA: We are not together anymore! 

KARTIK: Don't forget, you're still my honey-buns!

GEMMA: _You _left_ me, _remember?

KARTIK: Does it matter?

GEMMA: Yes it matters! It matters a lot! Why don't you just go away!

KARTIK: Well, fine! If you insist on having your little dramatic outbursts, I will! Ignore me. I'm not even here. In fact, let's pretend that I'm a figment of your imagination.

_GEMMA turns away from KARTIK. Suddenly, she squeals, as she feels a pinch on her rear._

GEMMA: Kartik!

KARTIK: It wasn't me. I'm just a figment, remember?

GEMMA: Simon!

_SIMON sheepishly looks up at GEMMA._

SIMON: Sorry! I just had to see if you were really honey-buns.

_GEMMA glares at him, her cheeks blazing, when she is suddenly distracted by another head appearing over her windowsill. GEMMA runs over one she realizes who it is: One of her friends from college, GEM._

GEMMA: Hi!

GEM: Hi Gemma! Are you busy? 

GEMMA: Thank goodness you're here! I mean...no…I'm not busy. Boys, say hello to Gem.

KARTIK/SIMON: Gem!

GEM: I know! It's weird, right? We are so twinnies!

GEMMA: I know! Twinnies!

_GEMMA and GEM grin, while the boys look on with confusion etched all over their faces._

SIMON: But your nickname is Gem! What am I supposed to call you now?

KARTIK: _(grinning)_You _could_ call her honeybuns

GEM: _(smiles) _Gemma! So you _were _busy before I came! 

GEMMA: Well, yes. But not in that way! You think I would with those two?

SIMON/KARTIK: Hey!

SIMON: You're engaged to-

GEMMA: Shut up Simon!

GEM: Engaged? What do you mean, engaged?

SIMON: Well you see, when a man and a woman love each other, they want to make a commitment in the form of marriage and so-

GEM: Shut up Simon! I know what it means! _(to Gemma) _I knew you two were serious, but I didn't know it was _that _serious!

_GEMMA blushes._

GEMMA: Can we _please_ just talk about this later?

_GEM is about to argue, when yet another head appears over GEMMA's windowsill. SNICKERS climbs into the room and looks up, confused._

SNICKERS: Am I interrupting something?

EVERYONE: _(shouts)_Yes!

SNICKERS: Fine. I'll leave.

_SNICKERS sits in the window, prepared to climb back down._

GEMMA: No, Snickers, don't leave. We were just in the middle of something, but its over now, right everyone? _Right?_

_There is a general mumble of discontentment, but GEMMA ignores it._

SNICKERS: So, what's up?

GEMMA: Not much. Just having a discussion with everyone. So, Snickers-

KARTIK: Just hold on! Who the hell is he!

SIMON: And what kind of a name is Snickers!

_Once again, the attention is on GEMMA, who is wishing that they will just forget about it and move on, which, of course, does not happen._

GEMMA: Um…I…Gem, help me out here!

GEM: Me! Fine…We've shared an apartment for the last year, me Gemma, Snickers and another girl, Novel.

SIMON: Will someone _please_ explain to me why he is the only guy in the apartment?

SNICKERS: You know, I've been wondering that myself.

KARTIK: Maybe he's gay!

GEMMA: Believe me, he is _not_ gay.

SIMON: And how do _you_ know that!

_GEMMA is wondering why she keeps getting into situations where she is the center of attention._

GEMMA: I…um…Look over there!

_GEMMA is saved by yet another head appearing over her window. It is NOVEL, another friend from college._

GEMMA: I am really going to have to start locking my window! 

NOVEL: Hey Gemma! What's going on? I am so happy that we're on summer break! We can do all kinds of stuff now that…

_NOVEL trails off as she finally realizes that there are other people in GEMMA's room._

NOVEL: Not to be rude or anything, but, why are you all here? _(she pins Kartik with a glare) _Especially you. Why are _you _still here?

KARTIK: The only reason that I haven't stormed out of here yet is because I think that Gem is cute.

GEM/GEMMA: What?

_KARTIK walks closer to GEM, until he is standing right next to her and looking into her eyes. GEM's eyes widen and she breaks eye contact. Now, she is looking at Gemma._

GEM: Gemma? Help me!

_GEMMA does not answer; she is too busy glaring at both GEM and KARTIK._

SIMON: Gemma! That better not be jealousy I see in your eyes!

NOVEL: Shut up, Simon! It's not like you own her! She can be jealous whenever she wants to!

SIMON: I may not own_ her, _but I do own that ring on Gemma's finger, seeing as she is my fiancée!

NOVEL/SNICKERS: What? Fiancée? Gemma?

GEMMA: Well, you see, what happened was, at that place at the time, we were doing stuff and he-

NOVEL: Why wasn't I informed of this!

GEM: I didn't know either!

NOVEL: You know what? Guys, you need to get out!

GEM: Yeah! We need to have a girl talk!

_Both NOVEL and GEM look extremely menacing as they advance on the boys, driving them toward GEMMA's bedroom door. Once KARTIK, SIMON and SNICKERS have been locked and barred out of the room, they look at one another._

SNICKERS: This is and odd situation.

KARTIK: Here we are, three big, strong men, and we just got forced out of a room by three girls.

SIMON: I feel slightly wimpy. Wait, I hear her grandmother coming! Hide!

_The guys quickly scramble for the nearest door, which, unfortunately, happens to be a closet._

SNICKERS: Is it just me, or is there something wrong with this situation?

_They were waiting for some sign that Gemma's grandmother was leaving the area. So there they were, three guys, in a dark closet, waiting._

_**Author's Notes: **20th March, 2008_

**Hm...three guys in a dark closet...I wonder what they're planning to do in there?**

**Do you like it? I just though about how odd the situation would be and I just had to put on fanfic! I'm not finished it yet!**

**But you can leave me a review...and then go and read my other story and leave a review there too...**

**Just watch out for another chapter! Leave a review and put me on your story/author alerts!**

**Don't you want to see what happens next? **

**Stop. Move your mouse away from the link and leave a review. **

**Isn't that better now? Don't you feel better now that you've left a review? And now you get a big cookie because you left one! Yay cookies!  
**


	2. Act I: Scene II

**Nella gets the biggest cookie that will ever be given out in figments!!**

**And Roxxi gets the second biggest cookie!!**

**gothic retard blablabla gets the third cookie!**

**And SNikorasu! You get the fourth cookie! **

**There will never be cookies as large as these again!**

**Nella gave the first review! Well, here it is – Act I: Scene II**

_NOVEL and GEM push GEMMA onto her bed, where they stand in front of her, looking down at her. They are both angry at not hearing this piece f news earlier and plan to interrogate GEMMA thoroughly._

NOVEL: How could you not tell us this!

GEM: Yeah, Gemma! I thought we were friends!

_GEMMA opens her mouth to speak, but is quickly cut off._

NOVEL: And don't tell us that you didn't think it was important, 'cause you might have to get beat in here if you do!

GEM: Calm down Novel, I'm sure she has a good explanation. _(turns to Gemma) _How could you not tell us!

GEMMA: Well, I… don't know! I was just talking to him and he was like "I love you" and I was like oh my gosh what do I do? So then I was like "I love you too" and the next thing I knew, I was engaged!

GEM: How the-

_GEM is cut off._

GEMMA: I didn't mean for it to happen, it just did. I mean, I do love Simon, but engagement?! I'm kind of happy about it now, but it was kind of an accident at the time.

NOVEL: Gemma, _please _tell me how it is _possible_ to get engaged _accidentally_, because I would _really _like to know.

GEMMA: I don't know!

GEM: How could you _not_ know?

GEMMA: It just happened!

NOVEL: And you didn't tell _anyone?_

_They all fail to notice the figure in the sky rapidly approaching GEMMA's window._

GEMMA: Well, I did tell someone, but you're not going to be mad because it wasn't you are you? Gem? Novel?

GEM: Yes! Of course I'm going to be mad!

NOVEL: Yes! As sure as I'm standing in this room I am _going_ to be mad!

GEMMA: Well, I told Roxxi.

GEM: Roxxi!

NOVEL: Who the hell is Roxxi?! What is that?! _(points at window)_

_A hang gliding figure is seen only a second before it comes in through the window. A thump is heard as ROXXI falls through the window. GEM and NOVEL scream. ROXXI jumps up, untangling herself from the hang glider. Suddenly, she looks up and grins._

ROXXI: Present!

NOVEL: Who the hell are you?!

GEM: What?! How'd you get in here? Gemma, I thought you locked the window.

_Roxxi stands, dusting herself off and looking around confusedly._

ROXXI: I'm Roxxi! Weren't we taking attendance just now?

GEM/NOVEL: No…

ROXXI: Oh…well I just figured it was attendance, since everyone was calling each other's name and everything…so…yeah…who _are _you?

NOVEL: I'm Novel…

GEM: And I'm Gem…why are-

_GEM stops as ROXXI suddenly hugs all three of them with a big smile on her face. GEM and NOVEL give each other looks that say "this girl must be crazy." and then they glare at GEMMA and ROXXI._

GEM: _(whispering to Novel) _Why the hell did she just hug us?

NOVEL: I don't know. I think there's something wrong with her. Look.

_They look over to where ROXXI is conversing with GEMMA. ROXXI was not able to sit still and seemed to be an example for the phrase "bouncing off the walls". Her mouth moved at light speed while she talked and it made GEM and NOVEL dizzy just watching her._

NOVEL: Darn teenager.

GEM: We're teens too, remember?

NOVEL: But we're sophisticated.

GEM: If you think so…

_ROXXI walks over to them and begins to speak._

ROXXI: I am so mad at Gemma She promised me that she was going to tell you guys about the engagement like a week ago! I LOVE EDWARD CULLEN!

GEM: You've known for a week?!

NOVEL: Edward…nice choice…

GEM: Stop getting distracted! Focus!

NOVEL: Oh, Right! Who _are_ you?!

ROXXI: Who wants to jump out of the window!

GEM: Did we _ask_ her that?

NOVEL: _(To Gemma) _Did she forget to take her medication or something?

GEMMA: How'd you guess?

_ROXXI starts dancing, even though there is no music. GEM and NOVEL stare with their mouths hanging open. GEMMA studies her fingernails as if nothing is wrong._

_The scene switches to the boys in the closet. They are whispering._

SNICKERS: Kartik, will you _try_ to move away from me?

KARTIK: I can't help it, it's not like there's a lot of space in here!

SNICKERS: I don't care; you better get off of me! I know karate and I can break your arm.

KARTIK: Screw karate! I know Rakshana!

SNICKERS: Oh yeah? I could beat you any day! I just don't want to hurt you.

KARTIK: You couldn't hurt me if you tried! Bring it!

_Both KARTIK and SIMON are in what can easily be recognized as a fighting stance (as well as can be done in a dark closet)_

SIMON: Can you at least wait until we are _out_ of this closet before you fight?

SNICKERS: _I _wasn't the one getting ready to fight!

KARTIK: Yeah, right. I was arguing with myself.

SIMON: I don't care if you talk to yourself, Kartik! Will you just shut up so I can hear what's going outside of the closet?

SNICKERS: Why don't _you_ shut up!

KARTIK: I'm nice. I'm quiet. _I'm _trying to help.

_SNICKERS glares at KARTIK, but he does not notice because it is dark in the closet._

SNICKERS: Shut up!

SIMON: Just _be quiet_ for a minute!

_SIMON puts his ear to the door. When he doesn't hear anything, he opens it and peaks out. Before he has a chance to say that the coast is clear, KARTIK practically runs over him in the effort to get to GEMMA. SIMON the reaches out and grabs KARTIK's leg, causing SNICKERS to trip over both SIMON and the fallen KARTIK, resulting in a rather large pile of guys in GEMMA's second-floor hallway._

KARTIK: Get off of me! _(shoves Snickers)_

SNICKERS: You know something? I don't like you. So…no. I won't get off. _(gets up quickly and sits in Kartik's back._

SIMON: I wanted to be the one to do that! Get off of him!_ (shoves Snickers and then kicks Kartik)_

_This results in a scramble in which the following things happen: SNICKERS is slammed into the wall by KARTIK. KARTIK punches SIMON in his stomach. SNICKERS and SIMON both pick Kartik up and throw him over the stair rail. Luckily, GEMMA's grandmother had gone out and no one else was home. When Kartik made his way up the stairs, looking very much like an aggravated bear, SIMON spoke up._

SIMON: I have a better idea that all of this fighting. _(smirks)_

_KARTIK looks thoughtful._

KARTIK: What is it?

SIMON: Well…the girls _are _having a girl talk...something they really don't want us to hear…need I say more?

SNICKERS: I really don't think that we should invade their privacy like that…

KARTIK: Come on, Snickers! It'll be fun! Haven't they ever done anything bad to you before?

_SNICKERS carefully considers this. After remembering the many times that the girls had cornered him and tickled him, he agrees._

SNICKERS: Sure, why not.

_The guys place themselves outside of Gemma's bedroom door, listening to their conversation._

NOVEL: I can't believe that you didn't tell us! _Roxxi will you stop jumping on the bed!_

ROXXI: BUT IT'S SO MUCH FUN!

GEMMA: ROXXI GET OFF OF MY BED BEFORE YOU HURT YOURSELF!

ROXXI: BUT IT'S FUN!

GEM: WHY ARE WE SHOUTING?!

NOVEL: I DON'T KNO- I don't know.

GEM: So why are you getting married to Simon again?

GEMMA: I told you. It just happened!

ROXXI: _(still jumping on bed) _I'll tell you why. It's because she thinks Snickers is hot! And she's trying to make him jealous!

GEM/GEMMA: What?!

GEMMA: I never said that!

ROXXI: You didn't? Maybe that was me…

GEM: Aren't we getting a little distracted here?

GEMMA: If any of this is because someone is hot, I'd have been engaged to Kartik! Have you seen him?

GEM: Yeah. There's nothing to get excited about.

ROXXI: He's so hot that…he's just hot! But you know who's super hot? Edward Cullen.

NOVEL: Well, actually, he's cold, but that's beside the point…_ (smiles) _Simon's kind of hot…and he's rich…

GEM: Novel!

NOVEL: Well, he _is_…

GEMMA: You can't have Simon!

NOVEL: Why not!

GEMMA: Because…I'm in love with him…and Kartik…and possibly Snickers…but Simon happens to be the one that I'm engaged to!

_GEMMA flashes a ridiculously expensive platinum engagement ring at everyone. The many diamond sparkle so brightly that everyone is momentarily blinded._

ROXXI: Ah! The light! It burns! Can I touch it?!

NOVEL: That is soooo pretty!

ROXXI: This means that I can have Edward, right?

NOVEL: I don't know yet…no, you can't.

ROXXI: Why not!

NOVEL: Because he's a superhuman vampire with topaz eyes, that's why!

ROXXI: Yeah, well…I've met him!

NOVEL: In your dreams!

ROXXI: How'd you know?

GEM: Did we answer _any_ of our questions just now?

GEMMA: No

NOVEL: But…We do know that Gemma thinks Kartik is hot!

_The guys decide that they have had enough of girl talk and so they use SNICKERS as a battering ram to open the door. The girls are extremely angry and so they glare at them. The guys realize that they are now outnumbered, but proceed anyway._

NOVEL: Somebody better come up with an explanation and fast!

SIMON: Who's Roxxi?

ROXXI: _(Bouncing up and down o her feet) _I'm Roxxi! _(waving her arms) _I'M ROXXI!!

KARTIK: And why does she have that orange thing on her head? Is it dead? _(he steps forward to poke it)_

ROXXI: IT'S MY HAIR! DON'T TOUCH IT! AND YES, IT'S REAL! _(she slaps his hand away)_

SNICKERS: _(smirking) _She thinks I'm hot.

SIMON: Yes we all heard. _(To Gemma) _What I heard is that you think Kartik is hotter than I am!

GEMMA: Well actually, what I said was…_ (shrugs) _yeah, that's what I said.

SIMON: But you told me that I was hot!

GEMMA: Yeah…It's just that Kartik's hotter.

SIMON: So what you're saying is that you think that _he's _hotter than I am? Hotter than _me_?

_SIMON flips his hair and smiles, momentarily blinding everyone with the flash._

GEMMA: Yes.

_SIMON's mouth drops open and he frowns. NOVEL goes over to stand next to him._

NOVEL: _I _think you're hot. If you're getting rid of her _(points thumb at Gemma) _we can get married...

GEM: _Novel!_

NOVEL: What? Its not like they're married…and he's like rich hotness!

GEMMA: Novel, you cannot have him! _I _am engaged to Simon!

NOVEL: _(frowns and mumbles) _Fine…whatever…

ROXXI: I GET EDWARD!!

SNICKERS: I though that you thought I was hot!

ROXXI: Come on, we're talking about Edward here!

NOVEL: I thought I got Edward!

ROXXI: HE'S MINE! _(snarls and bares teeth at Novel)_

NOVEL: So who do I get? You know what? Never mind…I don't even care anymore…So…Why were you guys listening outside the door again?

KARTIK: I'm just a figment, remember? Ask these two. _(points at Simon and Snickers)_

SNICKERS: It was Simon's idea!

_SIMON holds up his hands and backs away from the girls._

SIMON: Now, I can explain…

_GEMMA, NOVEL and GEM advance towards SIMON with murderous glares. ROXXI is back on the bed, doing something she calls the jimmie dance. Simon tries to get run one out the door, but it is to no avail. GEM blocks his way, while GEMMA and NOVEL each grab a limb and fling him over the stair rail._

GEMMA: YOU'RE LUCKY THIS RING IS SO PRETTY AND EXPENSIVE SIMON, OTHERWISE I'D BREAK THIS ENGAGEMENT!

GEM: THAT WAS MEAN, SIMON!

NOVEL: AND STUPID! YOU'D BETTER SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN!

GEMMA: Wait, Novel. No one is going into his room when he sleeps but me!

NOVEL: Darn it! I thought that plan would work!

SNICKERS: Why don't we just leave Simon alone before you kill him?

KARTIK: Yeah…I don't feel like cleaning any blood today.

_KARIK AND SNICKERS escort the girls back to GEMMA's room, leaving SIMON to his own devices to get up. ROXXI is still doing the jimmie dance on GEMMA'S bed._

SNICKERS: Getting beat up by girls…that's worse than three guys trapped in a closet!

KARTIK: I'll have to use that to blackmail him sometime soon…

_Suddenly, hey hear frantic knocking on GEMMA's bedroom door._

SIMON: GEMMA!!LET ME IN! I'M SORRY.

ROXXI: Who is it?

_GEM and NOVEL look at ROXXI like she's crazy, but she pays no attention and goes back to doing the jimmie dance._

SNICKERS: I don't think they're going to let you back in. Wish I could help…not!

KARTIK: Simon…how could you be s stupid?

NOVEL: Do you two think you're any better? Get out!

_NOVEL, GEM and GEMMA proceed to push the two boys out of the door and lock it once more._

SNICKERS: Did that just happen?

KARTIK: How the hell did we get stuck with each other again?

SNICKERS: I don't know…two big, strong guys…and they kicked us out…how did that even happen?

SIMON: Because they're smarter than we are, that's why.

NOVEL: You got that right!

GEM: Please don't tell me that you guys just figured that out!

NOVEL: Don't even bother to answer! All of you can just go to hell!

GEMMA: Yeah! And Simon, you don't have to worry about sleeping with me. You can all just sleep together now!

NOVEL/GEM/SNICKERS/KARTIK: YOU'RE SLEEPING TOGETHER?!

SIMON: _(obviously lying) _Erm…yes…

GEMMA: YOU WISH! _(to Gem and Novel) _No, we aren't…I just thought is would make a good threat…

NOVEL: _(shrugs) _Works for me…let's just leave them out there to suffer without us.

GEM: Yeah, they can just get to know each other a little better.

_GEMMA's eyes pop open._

GEMMA: I don't want Simon to get to know Kartik! _(lunges for doorknob while Gem and Novel hold her back) _What if Kartik tells him what we did?

GEM: What you _did_?

NOVEL: What _did _you do?

GEMMA: Not _that_! Well you see…we got kind of close, not that close…except we were almost there.

GEM/NOVEL/SIMON: WHAT?!

_SIMON picks KARTIK up in a jealous rage and throws him over the stair rail. SNICKERS is shaking his head, wondering how he could have possibly gotten stuck with these two, while SIMON runs down the stairs to finish KARTIK off._

SNICKERS: Girls! Get out here!

NOVEL: We're not letting you in here!

SNICKERS: Trust me; you really want to see this!

_The door slowly opens, and the girls walk out (except ROXXI, who bounces out)_

GEMMA: Simon!

GEM: So…why are they fighting?

SNICKERS: Simon…overheard what you said about you and Kartik _(thinks) _Yeah. That's about it.

_Those watching wince as KARTIK picks up a lamp and hits SIMON in his head with it._

GEMMA: YOU'D BETTER BE ABLE TO PAY FOR THAT!!

ROXXI: GO KARTIK!!

GEM: What's the point of this again?

_SIMON yanks down one of the curtains and begins to strangle KARTIK with it._

GEMMA: STOP DESTROYING MY LIVING ROOM OR I'M GING TO HAVE TO COME DOWN THERE AND BEAT THE TWO OF YOU!!

NOVEL: YEAH SIMON! GET HIM!!

SNICKERS: COME ON! THIS IS THE WORST FIGHT I'VE EVER SEEN! I COULD BEAT THE TWO OF YOU!

GEM: WHY ARE YOU TWO BREAKING UP GEMMA'S LIVING ROOM!!

_KARTIK and SIMON each pick up a floor lamp and engage in a sword fight._

GEMMA: PUT THOSE DOWN!

SNICKERS: GUYS, STOP BEING STUPID!

GEM: GO FIGHT SOMEWHERE ELSE!

NOVEL: GO SIMON! _(stops as she receives glares from the other three) _I mean…DO YOU HAVE TO SHOW OFF _NOW? _IT IS NOT THE TIME TO BE MACHO!

GEMMA: SIMON, STOP IT NOW! I'M TAKING IT OFF!

_GEMMA begins to slide her engagement ring off of her finger. SIMON sees it and stops fighting KARTIK. SIMON turns around._

SIMON: NO!!

_A loud crash is heard. SIMON falls to the ground revealing a grinning KARTIK, wielding the floor lamp like a bat._

GEMMA: KARTIK!! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!

_The scene fades out with a furious Gemma chasing Kartik out of the door._

SIMON: What just happened? Ow! My head! Its feels like I got hit with a lamp!

_**Author's Notes: **__26__th__ March, 2008_

**Two guys fighting! And Simon goes into jealous rages! **

**I think it's funny! Tell me that you think it's funny!**

**Send me a review to let me know that you like it! **

**And put this on your story alerts! I might just change the name! **


	3. Act I: Scene III

**Well, here it is! The next chapter of Figments!**

_NOVEL, SNICKERS, GEM and ROXXI stand in GEMMA's living room after she has chased KARTIK outside. SIMON still has a very dazed look on his face and the others are worried that he has a concussion _

SNICKERS: Simon? Are you ok?

SIMON: Um…I think so…not really sure. My head hurts!

NOVEL: So…what's going to happen if Gemma kills Kartik?

SNICKERS: All I know is I want to be there to see it!

NOVEL: That's not nice!...but it would be funny!

GEM: That's mean snickers! _(stops and looks around)_ Does anyone lese hear screaming?

_They all stop and listen, until they realize that the sound is coming from outside. Everyone runs out to see KARTIK trying to push GEMMA into his car._

GEMMA: HELP!!

KARTIK: Wait Gemma! Shhh!

GEMMA: HELP! SOMEONE HELP!!

_Simon tries to run towards GEMMA, but his head injury prevents him from going in a straight line. GEM, SNICKERS, NOVEL and ROXXI all run towards GEMMA._

GEM: Stop it Kartik!

NOVEL: Let Gemma go!

SNICKERS: Kartik, what are you doing? Now the girls are going to kill you!

_ROXXI begins to do the jimmie dance in an attempt to distract Kartik. GEM and NOVEL walk up and begin an assault on any part of Kartik's body, until they find the 'right part'_

KARTIK: Aaaargh! OW!

NOVEL: Serves you right!

SNICKERS: I told you they were going to kill you.

GEM: Kartik, why would you do that?

_Kartik does not answer, as he is in too much pain._

NOVEL: You'd better answer, or we'll kick you again.

KARTIK: I was only going to take her to the doctor…

GEMMA: The doctor? YOU WERE KIDNAPPING ME TO TAKE ME TO THE DOCTOR?!

GEM: But why? That doesn't make any sense.

KARTIK: Well there must be _something _wrong with her!

SNICKERS: Why?

KARTIK: Because she's engaged to Simon! He must have drugged her or something!

GEMMA: WHAT?!

_NOVEL kicks KARTIK in his leg. GEM and SNICKERS look confused._

NOVEL: That one was for Simon…seeing as he can't really walk in a straight line right now…

GEMMA: I hope she broke your leg! And that someone slashes your tires!

_GEMMA looks thoughtful for a moment and then runs inside the house. She appears a few moments later with two very large knives in her hands and a grin on her face. SNICKERS runs to hold her back._

GEM: Gemma stop!

NOVEL: You can't slash his tires!

GEMMA: Why not? He tried to kidnap me! And he insulted Simon!

NOVEL: You have a good point…

GEM: If you slash his tires, then how is he going to leave? I don't think we want him to stay until someone can change the tires…

NOVEL: And plus…Simon is kind of easy to insult. Watch. _(turns to Simon) _Hey Simon! Did you oversleep or did you actually _want _your hair to look like that? _(turns back to Gemma) _See?

GEMMA: If you weren't my friend I would so hate you right now.

SNICKERS: Girls, girls, no need to fight!

GEMMA: I have to hurt someone! Do you _want _it to be you?

_SNICKERS backs off._

SNICKERS: On second thought, why don't you just kill Kartik?

GEM: You know what? Why don't we all just go back inside?

NOVEL: Yeah. Snickers, make sure that Roxxi gets inside…I think that I'll help Simon._ (grins)_

GEMMA: _(frowns) _I think that _I'll _help Simon.

NOVEL: Then who do I help?

KARTIK: You _could _help me.

_GEMMA glares at KARTIK and then NOVEL._

KARTIK: Just a suggestion…

SIMON: Why were you glaring at them! You still think he's hotter than me, don't you?

GEMMA: um…no…

SIMON: Stop lying to me! I can walk to the house by myself!

_GEMMA lets SIMON go. He then manages to walk into the door, the door frame and finally, he trips over the front step._

GEMMA: SIMON!

NOVEL: Let me help him! He's mad at you right now.

_GEMMA starts to raise the knives again._

SNICKERS: Why don't _I _help him…?

SIMON: I can help myself!

GEMMA: It doesn't mean anything! I'm sorry Simon!

GEM: _(singing) _It's too late to apologize. It's too late.

_NOVEL and SNICKERS start laughing._

SNICKERS: Stale!

NOVEL: Anyway…So Gemma, what's going to happen to Kartik?

GEMMA: HE CAN ROT OUTSIDE FOR ALL I CARE!!

NOVEL: Okay…so can we go up to your room now?

_NOVEL, GEM and SNICKERS step over SIMON into GEMMA's house. ROXXI walks into the house, but trips over SIMON._

ROXXI: Ow! My wrist!

GEM: What happened?

NOVEL: Are you alright?

ROXXI: I think it's broken!

GEM: Are you sure?

_ROXXI nods and NOVEL looks concerned._

NOVEL: Does it hurt when I poke it? _(she pokes Roxxi's wrist)_

ROXXI: OW! OW! Poke it a little harder, why don't you?

NOVEL: I think you'd better go to the clinic. _(sighs)_ KARTIK!!

KARTIK: _(breathless after he races to the door) _Yes?

NOVEL: Drive Roxxi to the clinic please. Her wrist is broken.

KARTIK: Why do I have to do it?

NOVEL: Because you were mean to Gemma and this is your punishment!

GEM: Aww! You're being so motherly!

SNICKERS: Haha! Mommy novel!

NOVEL: Shut up! _(to Kartik) _Take Roxxi! And don't take her anywhere else but the clinic! Now go!

KARTIK: _(mumbles and heads towards the car with Roxxi) _She can't tell me what do…she's not my mother…I can't even carry her anywhere else…

NOVEL: I CAN TELL YOU WHAT TO DO BECAUSE YOU NEED TO BE CONTROLLED! ONLY CARRY ROXXI TO THE CLINIC AND BRING HER BACK HERE OR I WILL KILL YOU!

SNICKERS: It's okay, Novel, calm down….

NOVEL: NO! I WILL NOT CALM DOWN!

_SNICKERS sighs._

GEM: So are we going back to Gemma's room or what?

SNICKERS: Fine with me.

NOVEL: _(to Simon) _Simon, honey, can you make in up the stairs?

GEMMA: I should be the one asking him that!

GEM: Don't worry, it's only Novel being motherly.

GEMMA: Fine. But _I'm _helping him up the stairs!

_GEMMA flings Simon's arm over her shoulders and proceeds to march up the stairs._

NOVEL: _(sighs) _Well I'm going to follow angry Gemma. You guys coming?

SNICKERS: Why not?

GEM: Sure.

_GEM, NOVEL and SNICKERS climb the stairs and know on GEMMA's door._

NOVEL: Gemma, let us in! I'm sorry!

GEM: Why do me and Snickers have to be punished for what NOVEL did?

SNICKERS: Yeah! Let _us _in and you can stay mad at her!

NOVEL: Hey!

GEM: Sorry…well, not really. But anyway.

_The door opens and SNICKERS and GEM rush in. GEMMA hurries to close the door, but NOVEL pushes as hard as she can and flings the door open. NOVEL rushes in too fast and trips over herself. GEMMA is flung back into SIMON, who hits his head very hard on the floor. GEM and SNICKERS burst out in laughter._

SIMON: How many times am I going to hit my head today!?

GEMMA: Ow!

NOVEL: Why are you saying ow? At least you had Simon to cushion your fall! All I had was this rug!

_GEM helps NOVEL up, while GEMMA and SIMON help each other. SNICKERS then pokes GEM. NOVEL pokes SNICKERS who pokes her back. They all start to squeal as they continue to poke each other. Then GEMMA and SIMON join in until, suddenly, everyone is poking NOVEL._

NOVEL: What happened to you? Do I look _pokeable _or something?

GEM: _(shrugs) _Well…yeah.

GEMMA: You do look pretty pokeable.

NOVEL: I am _not _pokeable!

SIMON: Well...you kinda are.

NOVEL: I am _not!_

SNICKERS: Yes you are! I mean, look at you! You're so squishy! _(pokes Novel again)_

NOVEL: What do you mean I'm _'squishy'_? I am not squishy!

SNICKERS: Yes you are!

NOVEL: Gem! Snickers called me squishy!

GEM: Snickers, that's mean! Now say sorry to bunny!

SNICKERS: Who's bunny?

GEM: Novel's bunny.

NOVEL: I am? _(Gem nods) _Since when?

GEM: Just now. I thought it would be funny.

NOVEL: Okay…

SNICKERS: So, what's going on, squishy?

_NOVEL crosses her arms, frowns and turns away._

SNICKERS: I was just joking…but you are kind of squishy.

NOVEL: Shut up!

GEM: Snickers, how could you say that? That's mean! Right, Gemma? _(looks around) _Gemma? Ew!

_GEM spots GEMMA and SIMON in the corner, where they seem to have been 'making up'_

GEM: omg! I so did not need to see that just now!

NOVEL: I'm going to be scarred for life!

SNICKERS: Get a room!

GEMMA: This _is _my room!

SNICKERS: Oh yeah…

NOVEL: Well, find another room! That's disgusting! We just ate!

GEM: We did?

NOVEL: No…It just adds to the horror of this situation…_(to Gemma and Simon)_ I did not need to see you two making up in the corner!

GEM: I think you mean making out!

NOVEL: Whatever! It's just…ick!

GEMMA: Fine! Then we're leaving!

SIMON: We are?

GEMMA: Yes!

GEM: But this is your house.

GEMMA: I don't care! Simon, let's go!

_GEMMA practically drags SIMON out of the room and out of the house. Back in GEMMA's room, NOVEL, GEM and SNICKERS look at each other._

NOVEL: Kind of reminds you of those days when she would just disappear from the apartment, doesn't it?

GEM: Ew! But now we know what she was doing!

SNICKERS: I thought she was studying!

NOVEL: Why wouldn't she just do it in her room?

SNICKERS: That's true…I guess this where the sudden engagement came from…

NOVEL: I guess its not as sudden as we thought…This really explains a lot.

_A head appears over the windowsill. KARTIK climbs into the room. GEM, SNICKERS, and NOVEL sigh. KARTIK looks around._

GEM: I thought we told Gemma to lock the window!

KARTIK: Hey…what'd I miss?

_**Author's Notes: **__16__th__ April, 2008_

**Well there's your next chapter of Figments! Make sure to leave me a review and to put me on your alerts!**

**Thanks to SNikorasu for 'inspiring' me. ( I still don't appreciate being called squishy.)**

**I'm sorry to say that this story is officially on hiatus until I finish Forsaken. I feel like I've kinda been abandoning it lately…homework plus two stories doesn't really balance out for me…**

**Well still sorry about that, but I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Leave a review!**


	4. Act I: Scene IV

**I'm cheating on my hiatus, but I couldn't help it!! I had to write something for Figments!**

_SNICKERS, GEM, and NOVEL gape at Kartik as he continues to dust himself off._

KARTIK: Did anyone hear me? What'd I miss?

GEM: Where's Roxxi?

NOVEL: What did you miss? _What did you miss? _I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU MISSED!!

KARTIK: What?! What did I do?!

SNICKERS: You really shouldn't have said that.

NOVEL: I told you to take Roxxi to the clinic and BRING HER BACK! Where is she?

KARTIK:…At the clinic…

GEM: Why didn't you bring her back?

KARTIK: Well…The said it was going to be half and hour before they were going to be finished with her cast!

_SNICKERS raises his eyebrow._

NOVEL: _(sighs) _Why didn't you WAIT for her?

KARTIK: It was such a long time to wait…and I wanted to get back to Gem!

_NOVEL's mouth drops open and she glares at KARTIK, who walks over to stand next to GEM. GEM's eyes widen and she looks panicked. SNICKERS shakes his head._

SNICKERS: You know, you're really not that smart.

KARITK: Who_ asked_ you?!

_KARTIK and SNICKERS start to argue, but are distracted when another head pops over GEMMA's window. It is TAZ, another friend from college._

TAZ: Hey guys!

SNICKER: Hey Taz!

NOVEL: What's going on?

KARTIK: Hold on! Who the hell is she!

GEM: This is Taz, she was in the same apartment complex as we were.

NOVEL: In fact, she was in the same apartment as Simon!

TAZ: He was kinda sexy.

KARTIK: Ok then. Hello Taz.

TAZ: Hi Kartik. At least, Simon was sexy, until I found out that he was always going out with that Gemma girl.

KARTIK: How do you know my name?

TAZ: Gemma used to talk about you all the time! And I don't see any other Indian-looking boys anywhere!

Kartik: Oh…

SNICKERS: You do realize that this is Gemma's house, right?

TAZ: Oh. Really? I was just walking and I saw all of you talking so I came to say hi.

NOVEL: And you climbed through the window because…?

TAZ: Because it's what everyone does! Didn't you ever watch Saved by the Bell? Everyone always used to climbing through each other's window!

NOVEL: That's true…especially Zack and Jessie! Did you see that move that they put him in? I can't remember what it was named….

TAZ: No…but I did see one that had that girl from Full House in it!

GEM: Did you see the one when that girl got kidnapped and then the man was stalking her?

NOVEL: Yeah, and then there was that one about…

_The guys look confused as the girls continue to talk about these movies. They never mention any names or titles and yet each seems to know exactly what the other is talking about._

KARTIK: I'm confused. Are you confused?

SNICKERS: Sure am. It's like they're speaking a whole different language.

KARTIK: I wonder if we can hire a translator…seriously, _what_ are they talking about?

SNICKERS: Give me a second.

_SNICKERS listens carefully to the conversation and, after a moment of consideration, turns back to Kartik._

SNICKERS: I think they're talking about…Lifetime?

KARTIK: _Lifetime?!_ Are you sure?

SNICKERS: Let's find out. _(to girls) _Girls, are you talking about Lifetime?

GIRLS: _(stare at him like he's crazy) _duh!

GEM: Where were we before we got interrupted?

TAZ: Well…I saw the trailer for Speed Racer and he looked sexy! But then, this girl gone kiss him, so I don't like him anymore.

GEM: Here we go again _(sigh)_

NOVEL: I saw the trailer for Prince Caspian! Did you see it?

TAZ: Yeah! And I love the hair flip he did! It was sexy!

NOVEL: You mean this? _(flips hair and smiles and starts speaking with an accent.) _I am Prince Caspian. I wonder if he really has an accent!

TAZ: Yeah, but he's still not as sexy as Johnny Depp!

SNICKERS: Hey girls!

GEM: What?

KARTIK: We're gonna go get a snack or something downstairs.

NOVEL: Yeah, ok.

TAZ: Whatever. Did you see when…?

_NOVEL, GEM and TAZ continue talking as SNICKERS and KARTIK go downstairs. The girls are interrupted when they hear loud shouts from downstairs._

KARTIK: AAAAHHHHHHHHH!

SNICKERS: WHAT THE HELL?!

_The girls rush downstairs, thinking that something has gone wrong. They could never have been prepared for the sight that met them. KARTIK and SNICKERS were standing with their mouths hanging open, staring at the couch. The girls also take this stance._

NOVEL: OMG!

GEM: Didn't we tell you guys to get a room?!

SIMON: Well…technically, this is a room.

GEM: I can't believe you guys!

NOVEL: Gemma, will you please button your shirt?! I did not need to know what color you bra is!

TAZ: and Simon…why are you wearing blue plaid boxers?

_SIMON frowns and looks down to make sure that his clothes are still on. He looks very confused._

SIMON: How'd you know that?!

TAZ: _(looks around shiftily) _Just a guess…

GEM: Gemma, how could you?

GEMMA: It was two buttons, Gem. It's not like my clothes were off or anything! Besides…it got a little hot down here…

NOVEL: _(raises eyebrows) _Was that _before_ or _after_ you unbuttoned your shirt?

KARTIK: Go get 'em Simon! _(gives him high five)_

NOVEL: Are you encouraging him? He was just on the couch with _Gemma_!

KARTIK: _(thinks for a moment) _Hey! Get off of Gemma! She's my girlfriend!...Or at least she _wants_ to be!

GEMMA: _Who _lied to you?!

KARTIK: Gemma, honey, you _do_ want to be my girlfriend…you just don't know it yet!

_GEMMA raises her eyebrows. SNICKERS is laughing silently as he watches the scene unfold. GEM, NOVEL and TAZ stare at KARTIK in disbelief. SIMON begins to look very, very angry._

SIMON: Where do you get off telling Gemma that she wants to be your girlfriend?! It wasn't cute in high school and it sure as hell isn't cute now!!

KARTIK: You forgot, Simon, _(smirks)_ she was _mine_ in high school!

GEMMA: Boys…_(thinks to herself: how in the world did I get to be the center of attention again?)_

SIMON: That's because she was in her rebellious phase! She used you and your motorbike to freak her parents out!

KARTIK: You're just mad because even when you told her you had a Jaguar, she still wouldn't go out with you!

GEMMA: Boys!

SIMON: Yeah? Then why'd you get all threatened and buy a Mustang?

KARTIK: Wasn't that about the same time _you_ got threatened and bought a Ferrari?

GEMMA: _Boys!_

_Everyone in the room (excluding KARITK, SIMON, and GEMMA) watch the argument with heated anticipation. The tension is crackling in the air…and they just can't wait to see the fight that was sure to come out of this…_

SIMON: You knew that she would never want to keep a hoodlum like you from Rakshana High!

KARTIK: Better a hoodlum than a uptight guy like you from Spence Acadamy!

GEMMA: BOYS!

SIMON: At least I actually went to her school! I could see and talk to her all day!

KARTIK: She could see you and talk to you to, but she chose not to! Ever consider that?

SIMON: REBEL!

KARTIK: PRETTYBOY!

GEMMA: _BOYS!!_

SIMON: OH YEAH?

KARTIK: YEAH!

_The two boys ignore GEMMA and lunge at each other with only GEMMA to stop them. The others watch as KARTIK and SIMON punch each other with GEMMA in the middle. The others finally take pity on her and help her to break up the fight. (by that I man the girls try and SNICKERS succeeds)_

SNICKERS: Guys! Stop it! Obviously this isn't helping the situation! Why don't we just calm down and talk about this?

KARTIK: _(sighs) _whatever

SIMON: _(sighs) _okay

NOVEL: OMG!

TAZ: OMG!

GEM: OMG!

_KARTIK, SNICKERS and SIMON look confused._

SIMON: Are we missing something here?

GEM: What snickers said!

TAZ: It made sense!

NOVEL: And it was non-violent!

_The boys still look confused._

NOVEL: I just thought he'd bash your heads together or something!

GEM: Yeah! Or that you two would beat him up!

TAZ: You actually agreed to talk!

NOVEL: That's so passive for you three!

THE GUYS: …um…ok

SNICKERS: So what are you trying to say about us?!

TAZ: That you guys are…Gem, help me out!

GEM: You're all so…I can't find the phrase!

NOVEL: …How about…You guys are perfect examples of the aggressive male?

GEM: That's it!

TAZ: Sounds about right!

KARTIK: Hey!

SNICKERS: I resent that!

GEMMA: They're right…you guys _are_ perfect examples!

SIMON: You girls are totally biased when it comes to a battle of the sexes!

_The girls raise their eyebrows at him._

SNICKERS: What was _that _all about?

SIMON: I wanted to be a lawyer in my first semester…I took a few classes and they kinda stuck with me…but like I said: You girls are totally biased!

NOVEL: There's a fairly obvious reason for that!

GEM: We're girls! Hello?

SIMON: Oh yeah…

NOVEL: A little slow today aren't you, Simon?

SIMON: Hey!

SNICKERS: Just let it go. Let it go.

SIMON: Fine._ (crosses his arms and looks aggravated)_

GEMMA: So…Anyone want to order some pizza?

SNICKERS: Sure

GEM: Okay

NOVEL: Whatever

TAZ: Depends…what kind?

GEMMA: Well…how much money do we have?

_EVERYONE starts to dig in their pockets._

NOVEL: I have…two dollars and…seventy-three cents.

GEM: I have…three dollars and five cents.

TAZ: I have…a couple cans of pineapple juice in my bag upstairs!

GEM: But you don't like pineapple juice…

TAZ: That's why you can have it!

SIMON: I have…eleven dollars and twenty-three cents.

SNICKERS: I have four dollars.

NOVEL: Wait…wait…I found another dollar!

GEMMA: I have…wait you freeloaders! This is _my _house and you always eat _my _food! I don't have to pay for anything?

TAZ: But you _always_ feed us!

GEM: That's why we don't have any money!

NOVEL: Yeah! Take pity on us!

KARTIK: We're just a bunch of hungry friends! Help us out!

SNICKERS: Hold on! I didn't hear Kartik say anything about money! What are _you _paying?

KARTIK: Um…

NOVEL: Make him use up his gas to go pick it up!

TAZ: Yeah, delivery takes forever!

SIMON: You heard them buddy! Start driving!

KARTIK: Great friends you are!

_KARTIK mumbles and walks out the door. He starts his Mustang and heads towards the pizza place. Then, everyone inside looks at each other. ._

NOVEL: You guys think maybe we should have reminded him that he doesn't have the money to buy the pizza?

_**Author's Notes: **7__th__ July, 2008_

**Like I said, I cheated on my hiatus…but aren't you guys glad I did? I'm sorry, but I'm going to stay with some family in a remote place with very bad internet…so there won't be another update on either of my stories for at least 2 weeks…sorry about that!**

**But figments on well on its way…especially for something that was supposed to be a one-shot!**

**Thanks to everyone that reviewed! As you know, they all got telepathic cookies!**

**Are you jealous? Well you don't have to be! Send me a review and you'll get one too! Hope you enjoyed the chapter! Good bye, lovely readers, until next tme!**


	5. Act I: Scene V

**Okay, I so I **_**really **_**suck at staying on hiatus! Guess this means that it's over! Enjoy!**

_They all stand looking at each other; trying to figure out what the best thing to do is….SNICKERS is the first to speak._

SNICKERS: So…I guess since we still have the money…we're going to have to get it delivered.

NOVEL: Okay. _(In loud voice)_ Who wants what on their pizza?

GEM: Pineapple!

EVERYONE: Ew…!

GEM: You don't like pineapple on your pizza?

EVERYONE: No…

GEM: Fine, then! Whatever!

SIMON: Forget the pizza! I want cheesy bread!

TAZ: And I want wings!

GEMMA: And I'd love some cinnastix!

NOVEL: That can work. Everyone okay with that?

_There is a general murmur of agreement._

SNICKERS: Good…So…who's going to call?

_Everyone quickly backs away from the phone, except for NOVEL, who was not paying attention._

TAZ: Novel's the closest!

NOVEL: What?! That is so not fair!

GEM: Since you _are_ the closest, you might as well call.

NOVEL: Fine. Whatever.

_NOVEL: grabs the phone and dials the number. Everyone watches, just to be sure that she gets the order right._

NOVEL: _(on phone) _Hello! I'd like to order…of course you can have the number. It's _(thinks)_ 555-896-2137…yes…this is the Doyle's residence…It's for delivery…I'd like three orders of wings, three orders of cheesy bread and three orders of cinnastix…yes, I'm aware that there's no pizza in my order…No, I do not want any pizza…Yes…I understand that you main sale is pizza…What's my total?...27.76?...yes…_(sounds angry) _There is nothing in your ads to suggest that there must be pizza in your order for delivery!...Yes, my order is complete!...I expect the delivery within twenty minutes!...No, its not unreasonable!...Your business is only one mile away from this house!...I'm sure that your manager will understand!...No! I will not go out with you, you perv!

_NOVEL slams the phone down. Everyone looks at her strangely._

NOVEL: What?!

SNICKERS: You do realize that we only have twenty-three dollars and one cent, right?

NOVEL: So?

SIMON: The order costs twenty-seven dollars and seventy cents.

NOVEL: Oops…Well don't just stand there! Start hunting for change!

_EVERYONE scrambles._

GEM: One dollar in the couch!

SNICKERS: Seventy-five cents under the couch!

NOVEL: Forty-three cents on the kitchen counter!

TAZ: Fifty-seven cents in Spike!

_EVERYONE stops to stare at TAZ._

SIMON: Who the hell is Spike?

GEM: You mean, _what_ the hell is Spike?

TAZ: I named my bag Spike!

GEM: I remember that! My bag was named Swift!

NOVEL: Mine was named Taylor!

SNICKERS: Hate to interrupt, but we only have three minutes left!

GEM: Simon, did you find any money?

SIMON: What?

TAZ: She asked if you found any money.

SIMON: …I didn't look.

NOVEL: What do you mean you 'didn't look'?

SIMON: _(looks haughty) _Exactly what I said! I'm rich. I don't do 'digging for change.'

_GEMMA _walks over and smacks SIMON on the back of his head.

GEMMA: You'd _better _start digging! Everyone shares the work around here! I just found twenty cents under the rug!

SIMON: So?

_GEMMA looks infuriated and smacks SIMON on the back of his head again._

NOVEL: Let me translate for you. Start looking or she'll keep smacking you in the back of your head…and judging by the look on her face, it won't be long before she decides to knee you in your you-know-where…

_SIMON gets a pained look on his face as he imagines this and he finally gives in._

SIMON: Okay! Okay!

GEM: We still need two dollars and eighty cents!

GEMMA: Scramble, people! Scramble! We only have one minute!

_DINGDONG_

SNICKERS: Oh crap! The pizza's here!

TAZ: We have to hurry!

NOVEL: I'll get the door!

_EVERYONE scrambles around, searching for change. NOVEL opens the door and turns around, confused._

NOVEL: There's no one here…

GEMMA: Huh!

TAZ: What?

GEM: Are you serious?

SNICKERS: But the doorbell just rang!

SIMON: How's that possible?

_A loud thump is heard upstairs._

GEM: What was that?!

SIMON: I don't know?!

NOVEL: _(smiles)_ Why don't we let the big strong men go up and check?

TAZ/GEM: Yeah! You _men_ go and check!

SNICKERS: _(raises eyebrows) _You've never called us men in our entire lives! Why are we all of a sudden _men_?

TAZ: Because…!

GEM: There was a thud upstairs!

NOVEL: What if there's a big scary guy upstairs?!

TAZ: What do you expect us to do then!

GEM: Now go upstairs!

NOVEL: And look scary!

_The girls go to shove SNICKERS and SIMON upstairs, but SIMON stops them._

SIMON: No! I value my life too much! Do you really want this _(flips his hair and flashes teeth)_ to get hurt?!

NOVEL: Okay, it's not that serious…

GEM: What kind of boyfriend are you?

GEMMA: Yeah! What kind of boyfriend _are _you?! Go protect me!

SIMON: No!

GEMMA: Yes!

SIMON: No!

GIRLS: GO!!

SNICKERS: Stop yelling! I'll go…Geez…

_SNICKERS: climbs the stairs, and after a few seconds, SIMON follows him cautiously._

NOVEL: What do you think it is?

GEMMA: Maybe something just fell…

GEM: I hope no one broke in!

TAZ: I hope it's Johnny Depp!

_The girls hear SNICKERS calling from upstairs._

SNICKERS: Girls!

GIRLS: What?!

SNICKERS: Come up here! I think you want to see this!

_The girls look at each other, shrug and then head upstairs to GEMMA's room._

NOVEL: Look its Roxxi!

ROXXI: Who the hell is Roxxi?!

TAZ: Yeah! Who the hell is Roxxi?!

GEM: She was in college with…you know what? I'll explain later. It's a _really_ long story…

GEMMA: _(points at Roxxi) You_ are Roxxi…

ROXXI: No…_my_ name is Ella…

NOVEL: No…your name is…never mind…Hi Ella.

ELLA: Hi everyone.

_GEM looks around and notices that the delivery has arrived…_

GEM: Why is the delivery on the floor…?

SNICKERS: _(matter-of-factly) _Because the delivery guy came through the window.

_Everyone notices the guy laying face down on GEMMA's carpet._

TAZ: So why'd he come through the window?

SIMON: I don't know! Ask him!

GEMMA: So…delivery guy…why'd you come through the window?

DELIVERY GUY: _(muffled)_ Because Ella told me to.

NOVEL: How do you know Rox-…Ella?

DELIVERY GUY: _(still muffled)_ I don't! She just jumped into my car, gave me this address and said: Go! Go! Go! _(rolls over, sits up and grins)_ I thought she was inviting me to her place.

_NOVEL, GEM, and TAZ all jump on the DELIVERY GUY._

NOVEL/GEM/TAZ: Ryan!

RYAN: Novel! Gem! Taz!

TAZ: We haven't seen you in forever!

NOVEL: Yeah! Since, like, grade ten!

GEM: In Spanish class with Ms. Rivers!

RYAN: And Snickers is here too!

GEM: Yeah…but he took French…

RYAN: Dude! I haven't seen you for a long time! _(looks around and thinks)_ You guys aren't having some kind of freaky four- _(notices Gemma and Simon) _six-some are you?...'cause I want in!

GEMMA: Ew!

NOVEL: No!

TAZ: Yuck!

SNICK: What?!

ELLA: Ick!

GEM: Gross!

SIMON: Just who the hell do you think you are?!

RYAN: …Ryan…

SIMON: Well, listen up _Ryan_…Do you know who I am?

RYAN: …No…

SIMON: _I_ am _Simon Middleton_…of _the_ Middletons. _(tries to look important)_

RYAN: Okay…So what?

_SIMON practically deflates, while the others notice something very odd about RYAN. They all start staring at him strangely._

SNICKERS: Hey, Ryan?

RYAN: Yeah?

TAZ: Why do you have band-aids over your eyebrows?

RYAN: I…um…

GEM: They really look odd…

RYAN: Well…

_They all reach out to either hold RYAN down or to rip the band-aids off of his eyebrows. Where his eyebrows are supposed to be…there's nothing. Only skin. His eyebrows are gone. RYAN looks extremely uncomfortable as everyone bursts into laughter._

ELLA: What happened?

RYAN: I…fell…

NOVEL: On what? A razor?

_EVERYONE continues to laugh._

RYAN: Stop laughing!

SNICKERS: But it's hilarious!

RYAN: Fine! I'm not going to help any of you with your Spanish work anymore!

SNICKERS: I don't even take Spanish!

SIMON: We didn't even go to the same school!

TAZ: Ryan never helped us!

GEM: We helped _him_!

NOVEL: We practically did _for _him!

GEMMA: Why would I want _your _help? I don't even know you!

RYAN: Well…yeah…you do…don't you remember that date we went on when you were a senior at Spence?

_KARTIK's head pops above the window and he looks very, very, angry. He climbs in the window with a few pizza boxes in his arms and glares at SIMON, GEMMA and RYAN._

KARTIK/SIMON: She was going out with _you?_ She said that she was going with him! _(point fingers at each other)_

KARTIK: Was that why you broke up with me?

SIMON: Was that why you though we should _see other people_ for a while?

_GEMMA is wishing really, really hard that the earth will just swallow her up. When she opens her eyes and realizes that she's still there, she starts to click the heels of her shoes together and whisper something the others can't hear._

KARTIK: What the hell is she doing?!

SIMON: Is she okay?

ELLA: Maybe she's wishing that Edward Cullen will pull into the driveway and whisk her away to Forks!

_EVERYONE looks at ELLA like she's crazy._

TAZ: What are you talking about?

ELLA: Maybe that was me…

_EVERYONE listens closely to what GEMMA is saying._

GEMMA: _(softly)_ There's no place like home. There's no place like home…_ (loudly)_ Why isn't it working?!

GEM: Um…Gemma?

GEMMA: Yeah?

SNICKERS: We just think that we should point something out to you…

GEMMA: What?

NOVEL: You're already home…

GEMMA: You know, that makes a whole lot of sense…

ELLA: Let's go buy a really old red truck!

RYAN: …why…?

ELLA: So Edward can save me when Tyler skids towards me with his van…duh!

TAZ: Is he sexy?

ELLA: Yeah!

TAZ: Well, then let's go buy a truck!

SIMON: …You do know he's not real…

NOVEL: Darn it! I forgot about that…

GEM: Time to eat the pizza!

_GEM reaches into a box nearby and pulls out a slice of pizza. Everyone stares at her while she eats it._

GEM:…what?!

SNICKERS: Where did that pizza come from?

KARTIK: I brought it…

GEM: With what money?

KARTIK: I said I brought it…I didn't say anything about buying it…

NOVEL: You mean YOU STOLE IT?!

RYAN: Dude! Awesome!

_RYAN and KARTIK give each other high fives._

GEMMA: _This _is why I broke up with you! _(starts massaging her temples)_

SIMON: What about me?

GEMMA: I only went out on one date! _One date!_ And then we got back together, Simon! Get over it!

GEM: _(to Kartik_) What the hell is wrong with you!

TAZ: Stupid! We didn't even want pizza anymore!

SNICKERS: You can get arrested!

NOVEL: Did anyone follow you here?

KARTIK: Come to think of it…there were some flashing lights behind me on the way back…

GEMMA: Oh God…

_They hear many cars pull up on the street in front of GEMMA's house and they see the flashing lights of police cars._

NOVEL: You idiot!

KARTIK: _(shrugs)_ I thought that they'd have better things to do than chase a pizzanapper!

SNICKERS: A…pizzanapper?

KARTIK: You know, like a kidnapper takes kids? A pizzanapper takes pizza!

GEM: Okay…

GEMMA: _(pushing Kartik) _GET OUT! Get out right now! Go out the back door and keep running! If you get caught don't you dare call any of our names or I will murder you in your sleep! Now go!

_KARTIK gives GEMMA a kiss on the cheek, but before either she or SIMON can strangle him, he is out the door. A loud voice is heard from outside, presumably the police._

POLICEMAN: BRING US THE PIZZA THEIF AND WE WILL LET YOU KEEP THE PIZZA!...SORRY ABOUT THAT! YOU WILL NOT GET TO KEEP THE PIZZA!

GEMMA: _(yelling out window and pointing down the street) _HE WENT THAT WAY!

POLICEMAN: THANKS!

_The policemen drive down the road in the wrong direction to find KARTIK._

GEMMA: I'm going to kill him! I'm going to kill him dead and leave him for the wolves!

ELLA: You mean, like Jacob? He's hot, but not as hot as Edward…_ (gets idea)_Hey! Can you leave _me _for Edward?

GEMMA: Not what I was going for, but close enough…He does look pretty good…wait! What am I saying? Kartik just stole pizza and I just _lied_ to the police!! I'm going to strangle him and-

_KARTIK's head pops above the window and he climbs in, looking very satisfied with himself._

KARTIK: _(to Gemma) _Miss me already?

_GEMMA is livid and the others are not sure whether or not a murder is about to be committed before there very eves. KARTIK realized that he is the target. He looks around frantically for somewhere to hide. GEMMA stalks toward him and the scene ends._

_**Author's Notes: **__30__th__ August, 2008_

**Another Figments Chapter! What do you think is going to happen now? Tell me! You might decide what happens next in figments if you tell me in that review you're leaving! (You'll be really glad when you start eating that telepathic cookie!)**

**So many wonderful books are coming out now! The sixth book in the Artemis Fowl trilogy…yes…the **_**sixth**_** book in the **_**trilogy**_** (does that seem odd to you?)…just came out a while ago. Breaking Dawn is out in a few days (yay!!), the final book in the Inkheart series (is it just me or does the title Inkdeath seem a little ominous?) and then there's Brisingr (which was supposed to be the end of a trilogy…but now we have to wait for another book **_**after **_**that one! sigh)**

**So now you have something to read if you're looking for a pick-me-up from you last series or the series that you're about to finish (Twilight fans, anyone?)…or you can do what you usually do…come drown your sorrow in a good fanfiction! (seriously, that's what I had to do last year after Harry Potter. I was like 'Noooooo! Its over! …what do I do now??') Well goodbye until the next chapter…or until I reply to that review you're going to send me (hint hint) or in a few days when I put up the next chapter of forsaken! **

**Goodbye until next time!**


	6. Act II: Scene I

**Yay! Figments again!! Yes, my 6+ chapter oneshot! Enjoy everyone!**

_The scene reopens with GEMMA in midflight to attack KARTIK. There are looks of horror (and amusement) on the faces of the occupants of the room._

NOVEL: Snickers! Ryan! DO something!!

_SNICKERS stops GEMMA just in time, while RYAN stares at NOVEL and GEM._

GEMMA: I'M GONNA GET YOU, KARTIK WHATEVER-YOUR-LAST-NAME-IS!!

SNICKERS: Ryan! Why the hell are you just standing there? Help me!

RYAN: Sorry…I was just staring…I mean, looking at Gem and Novel.

GEM: You know what? Just get out!

NOVEL: And don't come back!

TAZ: But if you do…buy us a book each and we _might_ forgive you…

_GEM and NOVEL look at TAZ in disbelief, while SNICKERS still struggles to hold GEMMA back. RYAN storms out of the room and they hear his car pull off. KARTIK is cowering in a corner while ELLA sits humming to herself on the bed. SIMON is suddenly looking infuriated._

SIMON: HEY! Why didn't you ask _me_ for help?!

KARTIK: _(smirks)_ Because you're a prettyboy.

SIMON: Shut up you Indian boy, you!

SNICKERS: Ryan was just closer and Novel _(points an accusing finger)_ was the one who called names in the first place…Now will you help me?!

SIMON: _(to Novel) _Why didn't you ask me to help?!

NOVEL: erm…well…_(obviously lying) _Ryan was closer…

SIMON: Don't lie to me!!

NOVEL: Well…the truth is…Ryan just looked scarier…

SIMON:…Are you saying that I'm not threatening at all?

KARTIK: That's _exactly _what she's saying!

GEMMA: SHUT UP!

GEM: Of course you're threatening! I would _so_ be scared of you.

NOVEL: _(whispers to Taz) _She is _so_ going to hell for telling that lie…

TAZ: It's just that some people look really scary!

GEM: Yeah the kind who you want around just to protect you. Like this guy we used to know in high school.

NOVEL: You mean caveman?!

GEM: Yeah!

NOVEL: He was a really big dude. I wanted him to come to college with me just so he could walk with me everywhere and scare the creepy guys off.

TAZ: Speaking of Caveman…

_They all turn toward the window as yet another head appears. It is none other that CAVEMAN._

GEM: Caveman!

NOVEL: Dude!

TAZ: What's up?

ELLA: Caveman! I haven't seen you since Thursday! What's going on?

CAVEMAN: Hey Ella…

NOVEL: Er….

GEM: Huh?

TAZ: What?

GEM: How do you know Caveman?!

NOVEL: And why'd you tell her hi before us?!

CAVEMAN: Me and Ella met at that party…

ELLA: The one down the street to the left…

CAVEMAN: You know, the one Genae had?...

ELLA: And then I realized that he knew Genae, and I was her best friend so we started to talk…

CAVEMAN: And then this really funny thing happened…

ELLA: And we just kept in touch…

CAVEMAN: 'Cause she wanted to talk…

ELLA: So we're kinda friends

CAVEMAN: And…yeah…

SNICKERS: HELLO?! CAVEMAN! SIMON! SOMEONE HELP ME!!

ELLA: Okay!

_ELLA picks up a random heavy object and smacks GEMMA on her head with it. GEMMA drops like a rock and the others stare at ELLA in shock._

SNICKERS: What'd you do that for?!

ELLA: You wanted help, right? Problem solved. Now we can all do the jimmie dance! _(she starts to dance)_

TAZ: What if she has a concussion??

SNICKERS: Caveman, pick her up and put her on the bed!

KARTIK: I'll give her mouth to mouth!

EVERYONE: NO!!

NOVEL: Concussed people shouldn't sleep!

SIMON: Concussed people shouldn't sleep?

TAZ: Don't you watch House?

GEM: Someone wake her up!!

CAVEMAN: How?!

ELLA: Awake!

NOVEL: Slap her or something!!

_CAVEMAN slaps GEMMA and she nearly falls out of the bed._

TAZ: Keep her up! Ask her something!!

SIMON: Gemma! Quick! What was the date of World War three?!

GEM: World War three? That hasn't happened yet!

SIMON: Then what's that thing in Iraq?!

SNICKERS: The war in Iraq, not WWIII!!

TAZ: What colour is Kartik's underwear?!

GEMMA: Black boxers with smiley faces on them!

ELLA: Is she right?!

NOVEL: Kartik! Drop your pants!

KARTIK: What?!

TAZ: Just do it!!

_KARTIK drops his pants and he is, in fact, wearing black boxers with smiley faces on them._

SNICKERS: What the…?!

GEMMA: _(delirious) _la dee dah dee doo da day fa la la la la…

_There is a noise in the hallway._

GEM: I hear someone!!

CAVEMAN: Quick! In the closet!!

_EVERYONE scrambles for the closet. They all make it, but KARTIK's pants make him trip before he gets there._

GEM: Someone get off of my foot!

SNICKERS: At least no one's elbow is in your stomach!

ELLA: I wonder if Edward can still find me in here…

KARTIK: Who's touching my abs?

TAZ: Sorry…not…

SIMON: While whoever's shoulder this is please remove itself from my chest?

NOVEL: I will, Just as soon as someone stops pinching my butt!

EVERYONE: KARTIK!

KARTIK: …Gemma's not in here, is she? Oh…sorry about that Novel…

CAVEMAN: Snickers…your head is poking me in my stomach!

SNICKERS: Why is it automatically _my_ head?!

CAVEMAN: You really have to ask? I mean, look at it! It's huge! Its like a batcave!

SNICKERS: At least I have a normal sized forehead and not a _five-_head like Gem!

GEM: Shut up about my forehead! At least I don't have cheeks like Novel!

SNICKERS: Haha! Squishy!

NOVEL: Shut up! At least I'm not a mini-me like Taz!

TAZ: I can't just make myself grow! But at least my nickname isn't Caveman!

CAVEMAN: …that hurts…

_Everyone bursts into laughter. _

KARTIK: Prettyboy!

SIMON: Mini-me!

CAVEMAN: Batcave!

TAZ: Caveman!

NOVEL: Indian!

GEM: Squishy!

SNICKERS: Fivehead!!

ELLA: Ella!

_They all look at ELLA strangely, then realize that something is wrong._

GEM: Why didn't we turn on the light before we came in here?

NOVEL: That's a very good question…

TAZ: Somebody turn on the light!

SNICKERS: Why don't you make fire caveman!

CAVEMAN: Dude, shut up!

KARTIK: Lumos!...Darn…thought it would work…

_SIMON pulls out his new, shiny, personal iPhone ad turns it on._

SIMON: aha! Light!

_Everyone follows suit and pull out their iPods and turn them on. Everyone, that is, but GEM._

ELLA: I have the _entire_ Breaking Dawn playlist on my iPod!

NOVEL: Me too! Do you know Take Me Away?

ELLA: Yeah!

ELLA/NOVEL: I know we just got here, but I think it's time to go. I didn't wanna believe it but now I know. You know who just walked in and she didn't come alone. I can't stand to see this, get me home….Take me away, I'm gonna...

GEM: Hey! I don't have an iPod! This is so not fair!

CAVEMAN: _(stifles laugh) _I'm sorry, but there's nothing we can do about that…except laugh!

SNICKERS: Well, mine is 100 gigs! That makes up for you not having one!

NOVEL: Just go away! It's not my fault that I don't have as much storage space as you!

GEM: At least you have one!

NOVEL: Well, look at Simon! He has an iPhone! _(to Simon)_ I so hate you right now!

SNICKERS: Why can't you be like us normal poor folk?

SIMON: Because…I'm rich, that's why!

KARTIK: He's just trying to throw his money in our faces!!

NOVEL: You loser!

TAZ: Why do you even hang out with us! Go to your rich friends!

SIMON: But…I love Gemma and she loves all of you so I want to be friends!!

KARTIK: Whatever…don't listen to him…he doesn't really like us!

NOVEL: You're just a little instigator, aren't you, Kartik?

KARTIK: …pretty much…

GEM: Shhhh! I hear the door opening!

_They all rush to put their ears to the door to hear what's going on._

GRANDMAMA: Hello, Gemma darling how are you?

_GEMMA groans._

GRANDMAMA: That's just wonderful I'm fine, thanks for asking. Your room is a mess, you simply _must _clean it, dear! Oh, and would you do something about those broken lamps downstairs? Thanks, you're a doll. I'm going to tea with Mrs. Rivera! Au revoir!

_Upon hearing GRANDMAMA's car leave the driveway, they all fall out of the closet and then stand up, brushing themselves off._

NOVEL: Does anyone else find that something about Gemma's grandmother says 'I hate children'?

GEM: She didn't care about Gemma!

TAZ: She's not motherly at all.

SNICKERS: Unlike Novel! _(laughs)_

NOVEL: Let's just focus on Gemma for a second, okay? Should we call a doctor or something?

GEM: I don't know.

SNICKERS: Somebody check her pulse!

_KARTIK puts his ear to GEMMA's heart. SIMON yanks him off, looking enraged._

SIMON: Get off of her!!

NOVEL: Couldn't you check her wrist like normal people?

CAVEMAN: But…Gemma is pretty hot…I can see why he would…

GEM: Just be quiet!

SNICKERS: You're not helping the situation!

ELLA: And Gemma will never, ever be as good looking as Rosalie!

NOVEL: She speaks the truth…

GEMMA: CIRCE! NOOOOOOOO!!

_They all watch in astonishment as GEMMA rolls out of the bed. She then sits up, screaming._

GEMMA: NOOOOOOOO!

GEM: Why is she screaming?

TAZ: It's getting sooooo annoying.

KARTIK: Simon! Comfort her or something!

SIMON: I can't! I don't do well with tears!

KARTIK: Well neither do I!

CAVEMAN: Well, someone do _something_!

_ELLA stands in front of GEMMA and desperately starts doing the jimmie dance, hoping to distract her. It doesn't work._

SNICKERS: Novel, go be all motherly!

NOVEL: _(glares at Snickers) _Fine. _(to Gemma) _It's okay, no one's coming to get you! It's only a nightmare. See? All of us are here, and you're in your room. It's okay…

GEM: Aw…she's so motherly!

GEMMA: …What just happened?

TAZ: Well, you see…

CAVEMAN: I just came…

SNICKERS: You were all upset, so Ella hit you…

ELLA: And you got a concussion…

NOVEL: And then your grandmother came…

GEM: and then she left….

KARTIK: And I checked your pulse

SIMON: then you woke up…

TAZ: …that's about it….

GEMMA: Where's Circe?

SNICKERS: Who's Circe…?

GEMMA: This really really mean lady in my dream…

GEM: What'd she do that was so mean?

GEMMA: Well, she killed my mother and she was using magic and stuff…

NOVEL: Hate to break it to you, but Circe isn't here.

TAZ: I do have a really creepy Aunt Circe, though. She's an art teacher, but all of her paintings keep looking at me…I don't visit her much…

CAVEMAN: Her paintings stare at you?

TAZ: She lives in this creepy house and I feel like their eyes are following me!

GEMMA: Why don't we talk about something else.

GEM: Like what?

GEMMA: _(sighs)_ Like why Kartik and Simon are fighting again?

_They all turn to where there is a scuffle going on in the corner. SIMON and KARTIK are, once again, fighting. The others almost simultaneously roll their eyes._

GEM: Not this again…

TAZ: If we're lucky, they'll think they're wrestling and take off their shirts.

CAVEMAN: You guys call that a fight? My left elbow can fight better that that!

SNICKERS: Is this really necessary?

ELLA: Go Kartik, Go!!

NOVEL: Stop it! Stop it right now! I am so tired of this! Caveman, grab Kartik! Snickers, you get Simon!

_They do as NOVEL says. SIMON and KARTIK both look angry and flustered._

GEMMA: What is it now?

SIMON/KARTIK: HE STARTED-

GEMMA: You better have a darned good reason!

KARTIK: Well…he…you see…

SIMON: We don't really have one…I just don't like him…

KARTIK: And I don't like him either…

SIMON: Then he called me a prettyboy…

KARTIK: And he called me a good-for-nothing hoodlum...

SIMON: Then I just go so mad…

KARTIK: Me too…

ELLA: By any chance, did a tall hot boy named Jacob start this fight because he likes Gemma?

SIMON/KARTIK: No…

SIMON:…so then we started to fight….

GEMMA: Are you two telling me that you can't even come up with a new reason to fight?!

SIMON/KARTIK: _(look sheepish)_ erm…I guess…

GEMMA: Will someone _please _hurt these two before I do?!

TAZ: _(with a very serious face)_ Want me to give them a spanking?

_The all burst into laughter at TAZ's statement. CAVEMAN slaps his knee and SNICKERS finds it so funny that he has to run down the hallway and back; ELLA collapses on the floor while doing the jimmie dance; TAZ and GEM are doubled over; GEMMA's face is red; NOVEL is holing on to the bedpost for support and KARTIK and SIMON look relieved._

GEM: _(still laughing; to Simon and Kartik) _She wants to spank you two!

_GEMMA slips over to stand in front of SIMON protectively._

GEMMA: I'll have you all know that I will be the _only _one spanking Simon.

_This causes another bout of laughter._

NOVEL: Calm down! You don't have to stake your territory!

TAZ: Yeah! Besides…I'd much rather spank Kartik.

SNICKERS:…_(muffled laugh)_…_(snort)_ …_(full on laughter)_

GEMMA: Taz…I can't believe you just said that!

CAVEMAN: I know…it wasn't even a stale joke!

GEMMA: That reminds me…I've been meaning to rearrange the furniture in here…and since all of you big, strong men are here…_(bats eyelashes)_

SNICKERS: _(sighs)_ Sure

CAVEMAN: Whatever

SIMON: Okay

KARTIK: I guess

GEMMA: Great! Snickers move the dresser over there…Kartik, move that vanity table to the left of the window…Simon, bring the couch over here…and Caveman, since you look the strongest, turn the bed so that it faces that wall.

_SNICKERS, SIMON, and KARTIK all complete their jobs, while CAVEMAN still struggles to move the bed._

KARTIK: What happened caveman? Can't move the bed?

CAVEMAN: Have you _seen _this thing?!

SIMON: The only think I can see is that you're struggling to move that bed!

CAVEMAN: It's a monster. It's huge and made out of oak or something!!

GEMMA: Mahogany, actually.

CAVEMAN: It's still heavy!

SNICKERS: Come on Caveman! It's so easy, you can do it!

_Everyone points and laughs at CAVEMAN, who only looks a little ruffled. TAZ looks confused._

TAZ: Oh! I just catch it! It's so easy a caveman can do it!

NOVEL: Taz…I hate to break it to you but you have to be slow if you just got that!

GEM: Even I got that before you!

SNICKERS: Yeah even Gem got it!

GEM: What are you trying to say about me, Snickers?

CAVEMAN: What he's trying to say is that you're slow too.

GEM: I am not slow!

TAZ: Then how do you explain all of those jokes you don't get?

GEM: Just shut up, okay!

KARTIK: Ladies, no need to fight! Unless, of course, it's a cat fight.

NOVEL: Do you enjoy having the opposite sex slap you around all day?

SNICKERS: I'd say that he's rather masochistic.

ELLA: Kinda like Edward…

KARTIK: What does masochistic mean?

GEMMA: That's for us to know and for you never to find out.

_SIMON has slipped away to GEMMA's bookshelf and is now looking in a dictionary._

SIMON: _(reading aloud)_ Masochistic: a person that finds pleasure in being hurt or humiliated.

NOVEL: Just for the record, I think you both are masochistic.

KARTIK/SIMON: WHAT?!

NOVEL: Why else would you let Gemma smack you all the time?

KARTIK: Well, maybe I….

SIMON: That doesn't mean…

KARTIK: You don't know…

SIMON: She's got a point.

NOVEL: Thank you. Gemma…you have two masochistic lovers.

GEMMA: _I do not!!_

KARTIK: Yeah, She only has one!

SIMON: And that's me!

GEMMA: Don't flatter yourselves boys. _(rolls eyes and moves to put an arm around Snickers' shoulders)_ Snickers is my lover! I like to call him Gustav when we're together!

SNICKERS: Say what?!

GEMMA: Don't be ashamed, Gustav! We belong together!

NOVEL: Now wait just one darned minute! Gemma, take your hands off of Snickers and de-stress and relax, ok?! You're hysterical!

GEMMA: I am?

NOVEL: Yes, you are! You still have a concussion, so lay down!

GEMMA: …_(looks confused) _okay…_(lays down)_

_TAZ and GEM are whispering as they watch the action. ELLA is tending to GEMMA; SIMON and KARTIK are advancing towards SNICKERS menacingly while NOVEL stands just off to the side of him. CAVEMAN scratches his head while wondering whether or not he should save SNICKERS…he decides it will be funnier to watch._

SIMON: I don't care if she has a concussion or not!I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!

KARTIK: Yeah! What he said.

NOVEL: Boys…

SNICKERS: I didn't do anything!

KARTIK/SIMON: We don't care!

_SNICKERS find that he is backed against the window. KARTIK and SIMON give him a shove and as he falls backward, he grabs NOVEL for support and she ends up falling as well. CAVEMAN, GEM and TAZ are killing themselves laughing while ELLA sticks her head out of the window with a frown._

ELLA: Are you guys all right?

NOVEL: We could be better but I guess we're ok.

SNICKERS: Speak for yourself! You landed on top of me!

NOVEL: Well that wouldn't have happened if you hadn't pulled me with you!

SNICEKRS: Sure, blame me!

NOVEL: What do you think I was doing?

SNICKERS: Why does it have to be my fault?

NOVEL: Because it is!

SNICKERS: But Simon and Kartik are the ones who pushed me!

NOVEL: You make a very good point…can we go beat the crap out of them now?

SNICKERS: Sounds like fun…

_SNICKERS and NOVEL head back into the house where SIMON and KARTIK are scrambling to hide._

SNICKERS: Kartik! Simon!

NOVEL: Come out, come out, wherever you are!...

_SNICEKRS and NOVEL walk around upstairs until they hear muffled noises from the hallway closet. They yank open the door and give both KARTIK and SIMON evil smiles._

SNICKERS: _(to Novel) _Should we?

NOVEL: We should.

_SIMON and KARTIK are seen flying over the railing and landing with a thud. The scene closes on SNICKERS and NOVEL laughing hysterically._

_**Author's Note: **__11__th__ October, 2008_

**I know, I'm awful, but I made it extra long this time! Aren't you happy? (If you aren't at least **_**pretend**_** to be happy so you don't hurt my feelings!) **

**Another chapter of is gone once again as we followed the antics of the cast of Figments. Who loves Figments? **

**Your response: I love figments!!**

**So leave me a review and get a telepathic dessert! I even made some new ones! And they're pretty awesome if I do say so myself….**


	7. Act II: Scene II

**Me: This is Lilaya, coming at you with Figments chapter 7! Are you excited?**

**You: Yeah!!!!**

**I don't know why I've neglected both of my stories lately, but I'm awfully sorry! I'm trying to get back into it and not do it again. Just enjoy the chapter!**

_The scene reopens with KARTIK and SIMON picking themselves up off of the floor, obviously in pain. NOVEL and SNICKERS are still doubled over with laughter, and the others are just coming out of the room. At the sight of KARTIK and SIMON, the others start to laugh._

SIMON: This isn't funny!

SNICKERS: Then why am I laughing?

KARTIK: Just stop it! All of you!

NOVEL: What's the matter, boys? Upset 'cause a girl helped to beat you?

CAVEMAN: Wait…a girl helped to throw you over? You guys should be ashamed of yourselves!

TAZ: Yeah…even I have to say that that's sad.

GEM: You guys are just...I mean, Kartik is just so big and strong! How'd Novel manage to throw him over?

NOVEL: An adrenaline rush. It's very common. You can google it.

_SNICKERS just barely manages to muffle a laugh. Then he looks at NOVEL and for a moment, it looks like they may be able to keep their straight faces…and then they can't. They erupt in laughter, leaving the other occupants of the room very confused._

CAVEMAN: What?!

GEM: Am I missing something?

KARTIK: Anyone else lost?

SIMON: I think everyone but them…..

SNICKERS: I'm sorry, it's just-

NOVEL: It was this line in-

SNICKERS: More of an indirect reference to-

NOVEL: Twilight…you know-

SNICKERS: When Edward was explaining…

_Everyone else still looks confused. NOVEL and SNICKERS just sigh._

TAZ: Um….guys….I hate to break it to you….but I think we should go.

GEMMA: Why?

GEM: Because her grandmother just pulled up!

NOVEL: CRAP!!

SNICKERS: ok! Everyone out!

_They all start to head down the stairs, but GEMMA stops them._

GEMMA: You can't go out that way!

ELLA: Why not?!

GEMMA: Think about how this looks. A bunch of guys and girls all in my room and we could all possibly be together! You know! Together together!

SNICKERS: Oh…..

_They all run back to GEMMA's room and arrange themselves on the various sitting surfaces of the room._

TAZ: Who're you going to pair me with? Not caveman!

SIMON: It doesn't matter!

NOVEL: This is going to look so wrong.

GEMMA: Yeah! Half the world thinks that Snickers and Novel are going to get together anyway!

SNICKERS: We are not!

RYAN: Then why are you on her lap?

KARTIK: _(with muffled laughter)_ I though it was supposed to be the other way around…..or didn't you know that?

NOVEL: _(to Snickers) _Why _are_ you on my lap? Better yet, _when_ did you get on my lap?

SNICKERS: I just felt like it….and plus! It's so squishy!!!

NOVEL: I am NOT squishy!

_Everyone turns to raise an eyebrow at NOVEL_

RYAN: Yes you are.

TAZ: He's not lying

GEMMA: Well, you are kind of comfortable to lie on….

GEM: Just a little

KARTIK: Your shoulder looks really comfy

SIMON: Even I would use you as my pillow

SNICKERS: See!

NOVEL: Are you guys trying to call me fat?!?!?!

SNICKERS: Not fat…..just squishy…..

GEM: Guys! We have a bigger problem here!!

TAZ: Oh yeah…..I'm hungry!

GEMMA: Not that!!! Grandmama is coming now!!!!

KARTIK: Everybody hide!

GEMMA: How is that supposed to work!??!?!?

NOVEL: Well….she doesn't pay much attention to you anyway….

SNICKERS: This it true….

RYAN: Quick! Caveman, turn into a rock!!!

CAVEMAN: ….So not funny….

KARTIK: Then why are we laughing?

SIMON: Everybody! Hide!!!

_Everyone scrambles to find a hiding spot. CAVEMAN, KARTIK, GEM, TAZ, and ELLA all somehow manage to fit into GEMMA's closet. SNICKERS, NOVEL and SIMON dive under GEMMA's bed. RYAN hides behind a lamp. GEMMA's GRANDMOTHER enters the room. GEMMA is sitting on her bed, reading….and looking rather flushed._

GRANDMAMA: Gemma!!

GEMMA: You don't have to shout! I'm right here.

GRANDMAMA: Just came to let you know that the girls and I are having poker nigh- I mean tea downstairs for the rest of the night. And we'd appreciate it if you stayed out of our way….by the way….buy a new lamp…that one's almost as ugly as the clothes you're wearing! Ciao! _(slams door)_

GEMMA: _(glares at door) _The old hag and her friends…great….

_Everyone seems to burst forth from their hiding places. KARTIK is looking decidedly offended, while NOVEL seems to be doing her best not to explode._

KARTIK: I am NOT ugly!

GEM: Well, if you ask my opinion…..

KARTIK: I didn't…but I still think you're cute _(winks at Gem)_

GEM: _(in stage whisper)_ Novel! Help me! He's – _(to Kartik)_ Get away from me! Stop touching me!!! _(runs behind Novel)_

TAZ: If it helps…. _I_ think that you have nice hair.

NOVEL: Stop it Mia! Gosh! You are such a hair-slut!

_TAZ gasps. Everyone gives NOVEL a look that says 'wtf?!'_

NOVEL: What? It's true!

TAZ: That's the truth.

NOVEL: We have a more important issue at hand!!! Who kissed me under the bed?!?!?

_Everyone glares accusingly at SNICKERS. He backs away with his hands held up. _

SNICKERS: I wasn't the only one under the bed!! And it wasn't me!!

NOVEL: Then who…? SIMON!!!!!

GEMMA: SIMON!?!?!?!

SNICKERS: SIMON!!!!!!

GEM: SIMON!!!

CAVEMAN: SIMON!!!!

KARTIK: SIMON!!!!!

RYAN: RYAN!!!

ELLA: ELLA!!!

_SIMON hurriedly backs into a corner. The others advance on him, with GEMMA and SNICKERS in the lead._

GEMMA: You-! You! You-

SNICKERS: Scumbag!

CAVMAN: Douche!

GEM: Idiot!

TAZ: Loser!

RYAN: You're the man! Cheating on your girl under her bed! I've got to try that!

NOVEL: Shut up Ryan!

ELLA: _(frantically tries to relieve the tension by doing the jimmie dance, but no one pays her any mind)_ Simon, you're scum!!!

GEMMA: This is really low, Simon….I don't know if I can forgive you…..

SIMON: But…but…

GEMMA: No! I don't want to hear it!

SIMON: But….I thought she was you!!!!

NOVEL: Say _what?!_

SIMON: Although I don't know how I could have thought that! She couldn't possibly match your radiant beauty!

_Most of the occupants of the room mime gagging. NOVEL, however, looks very insulted. GEMMA practically swoons._

GEMMA: Oh, Simon!

NOVEL: Oh, Simon, my foot! Are you trying to say that I'm not pretty? Huh? Are you?

SIMON: I was only saying that you couldn't compare to –

NOVEL: _(points angry finger at Simon)_ You're just jealous because my left butt cheek looks better that your face!

SNICKERS: She's got a point there….

_EVERYONE stops and turns to look at SNICKERS. A few raise an eyebrow. SNICKERS back away defensively with his hands held up._

KARTIK: Are you saying that you've seen her butt?

SNICKERS: No! No!

GEM: Then, what are you saying?

SNICKERS: Nothing!

TAZ: Have you been looking at it?

SNICKERS: Maybe…..

NOVEL: You know what? Let's just stop right there! Gemma, Simon, Kartik, Snick….we're going to therapy!

KARTIK: I'm Indian….and Rakshana…I don't believe in therapy!

NOVEL: That's just too flipping bad!! We're going!

GEMMA: Novel's right….we really need it!

NOVEL: Sorry the rest of you guys…but we can't all go… I think you should be happy that you don't have as many problems….

GEM: Bye guys!

_EVERYONE proceeds to tell their goodbyes, with some promising to meet for therapy. After they all file out of GEMMA's room, GEMMA hears two car engines rev up and the resounding crash…_

SIMON: KARTIK!!!!

_**Author's Note:**__ 6__th__ June, 2009_

**I know…Forever, right? But this is the end of Figments….**

**I do think, however, that I'm going to continue the story of Gemma, Simon, Kartik, Snickers, and Novel in therapy. Looks out for a new story from me in about two weeks! I'll decide on a name later! Just subscribe to me. It'll probably be in story form, not a play. Later my lovely readers!**


	8. We Say Farewell

**I just wanted to let everyone know that I've begun to upload the sequel to this story, entitled **_**She Needed Mental Help.**_** I'd love it if you could find it and read! It would mean so much to me! And believe me….the hilarity continues!**

**Farewell to Figments my dear readers, and on to therapy with Gemma and the gang!**


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